Motherhood and Heartbreak

Throughout our journey in life, one of our main goals is to find love. The love of our life, a partner, twin

flame, best friend, our other half. Which most of us find it, if we are lucky enough.

We go through so many stages of love in our lifetime. Until one day, we meet our person, and our entire

life changes. However, it is the build up of dating until that moment that challenges and shapes us. Every

heartbreak we experience is a learning lesson which catapults us forward into who we are supposed to

become. Dating is a different voyage for everyone. It comes in all shapes and sizes, different levels,

experiences, and memories. Then there’s dating while being a single parent, it’s a whole new level to

the challenge!

As a single mom, I have dated a few men and have learned so many wonderful things about myself. Life,

especially what I like and what I want to attract. This is because I am no longer dating for just myself. No,

it is not as simple because there is a major factor involved, children. As I embark on attracting a

romantic partner into my life, I am constantly thinking about what qualities he will have and how his

presence will affect my son. Dating as a mom involves me being extra cautious and maybe a little

guarded, but overall going into these seasons with mental clarity, boundaries, and goals. As a parent I

also analyze things like when should my partner meet my son, when should he meet my son’s father, my

family. There are on-going questions always coming to mind.

Before we dive into that, we need to decide if we are even ready to put ourselves out there. Dating can

be a cruel, scary world or a loving escape, just depends on how we view it. After being pregnant and

birthing tiny humans, we grow and change as individuals too. We shed the layers of our previous life,

and give birth to the new mother within us. Our thoughts, emotions, and everything which makes us

who we are, completely evolves. In all honesty, I didn’t feel like “myself” for the first year. First year

postpartum is something I was not prepared for and something I believe our society needs more

education on (another topic for another time). So because I felt like I was in this time warp of losing my

previous self, gaining my new identity, raising a child, navigating life with his father, adjusting to going

back to work after maternity leave, and having a massive lack of sleep, the last thing on my mind was

dating. Yet I craved affection, attention, love, and simply to be desired, to be chosen. As I reflect back on

these days, I realize I wanted these things so bad, but I was unable to give them to myself, which

ultimately made me lack receiving them. How can we expect to receive the very thing we lack giving

ourselves? In a simple term, it comes down to manifestation and the power we hold within ourselves to

attract what we desire in life. Then again, saying this to a new mom on the sleep schedule of a newborn

baby, it may not be the easiest thing. Our mindset is everything in life. It allows us to fail or succeed in all

areas. As we heal and grow, we find ourselves then find our power. After the first year of motherhood,

things started to feel “normal” again. It is like when we celebrate our children’s first birthday, we should

also be celebrating the mom for surviving one year of raising a baby, and adjusting to everything that

comes with the title of “Mom”. It’s up to ourselves to decide when we feel ready to date.

Once I felt like myself again, and knew that I wanted to try dating, I had no idea where to start. I am

more of an old-fashion type of gal, so dating apps are not really for me, but I did consider them. I

wanted to meet someone in person, someone set in my path by the universe. I believe in divine timing

and the stars aligning for souls to meet. Of course you can do whatever feels right to you; try a dating

app, go out with friends, ask a friend to set you up on a date. Whatever is calling to you, follow it and let

it flow. Be proud of yourself for taking that step to try and date again, because that is a major feat in

itself. We go through the motions of falling in love, and connecting with another soul like we never have.

Love is a beautiful feeling. Love by definition is “an intense feeling of deep connection”, and that’s what

we truly crave. Unfortunately though, as quickly as we fall in love, we can fall out of love and experience

heartbreak. While heartbreak, suffering, and sadness are tragic for anyone who feels them, as parents

have to cope with it in such a unique way because of our children. Could we give up and become

depressed? Of course; but how will that positivity affect our kids? It won’t. Our children need us every

day, so we pick ourselves up and carry on. It is okay to feel sad. We should allow ourselves time to

grieve the loss of a relationship and the love shared between two divine being. Just don’t get lost in it.

Taking moments to reflect, while also being present in a child’s life is such a crazy feeling. I want my son

to know sadness is normal and okay, so if he sees me cry, I will try my best to explain how I feel, while

simultaneously showing him I am strong and can carry on with life. Parents wake up, tend to tiny hands,

make lunches, handle daycare / school drop offs, errands, dinner, bath time, everything. We continue

on, we carry our sadness with us until it passes and we heal from the hurt. It amazes me to tackle these

situations as a parent because I have so much more respect for myself, and even more love for my son.

Our children give us something to strive for, when we feel lost, or hurt. Their hugs and affection,

conversations, interests, and life allow us to carry on and heal and nourish ourselves.

Heartbreak as a mother has allowed me to rise from the ashes of pain and shed layers of my past self.

We all grow, heal, and begin again with purpose. We are parents, we need to keep going. We are our

own superheroes in a way. Taking care of our hearts, along with another human life. It is brave to

embrace love, because we also risk sadness even though we must carry on with life. I am so grateful for

feeling this pain while being a mom because it has shown me how powerful I am! Not allowing someone

else to dim my light is euphoric because I know I am in control of my life. Turn the pain into success, be

an even better parent, accomplish goals, and remember your worth. At the end of the day, we can only

love others when we love ourselves.